Any who have had the pleasure of attending a social function with me know that I have a tendency to show up completely wrecked. Well tonight was really no exception. Tonight, you see, was the annual barbeque hosted by my place of employment. It promised (it is to be believed) merriment, food, and fun. Only one of the above was actually provided. You guess which.
So naturally, given my usual nature, I showed up with the wife, and a friend with his significant other in tow obnoxiously drunk. Having each consumed a minimum of six tallboys (NOTE: A tallboy, defined by Urban Dictionary: “Oversized beer cans that usually sell for $0.99. Usually drank by hoboes and rednecks.” So you can imagine the effects by your own means.) were well on our way to becoming a dictionary-defined example of what it is to be “shit-canned”. After spending the past hour watching “Tim & Eric’s Awesome Show: Great Job!” we were more or less in a state of giddy drunkenness that can only be equaled by, say, drinking a jug of whiskey while doing 100 on the autobahn. We were, in a sense, annihilated. So we stroll up, demanding meats, and the store managers in charge of the grill don’t seem to be entirely sure of how to deal with the fact that two of their employees have shown up reeking like a brewery and stumbling over their own feet. This is normal for me.
We proceed inside to find that some of the food is already available. There is cake. As the night progresses, I begin to realize that I have not had any cake. As I leave, I still have had no cake, but this is a moot point because I am sure that the cake was supplied by the store’s bakery department, and is therefore complete and utter shit. This is my own drunken logic speaking. Now, then… We immediately help ourselves to the free food. I eat a few strawberries from a plate of fruit, proclaiming “Fruit? Fucking….are you kidding me? I’m sorry I thought I was coming to a barbeque, not a weeping vagina party.” And toss the stems of the berries into the middle of the table. Soon after, I notice a plate of burgers. Grabbing two, I immediately dispatch myself to where my companions have seated themselves, ignoring the looks being given to me by my supposed co-workers. Somewhere in all of this, the burgers are garnished with ketchup. I’m not sure how this happened.
After about 30 seconds, I have decimated my burger. I am still hungry. There is no food left. I busy myself with a shiny blue ball that we found, and eventually decide that I am going outside for a cigarette. The store manager in charge of the grill at that point addresses me, asking “So how was the burger?”
“Ezzio, I’m not gonna lie. I drank six tallboys before I got here and I have one waiting for me in the car. I am not exactly a connoisseur of fine dining at the moment.”
He hands me a burger and a platter of sausages. I decide at this point that Ezzio is my new best friend. I take the food inside, finishing my burger before I get halfway to where the rest of my co-workers are convened. Soon after we finish devouring the sausages, we learn that they are beginning to auction off the services of management staff within the store. Basically, you pay a small sum of cash and get to order around whatever manager you placed a winning bid on for the duration of a shift. I managed to snag one for $12. So when I work on Wednesday, this particular individual is going to hate me. For the rest of his life, he will remember me as the guy who had him doing every single menial task imaginable. If I choose, he will have to clean the grout between the floor tiles with a toothbrush. It is destined to be a glorious day.
After assuring this manager that I will make his life a living hell, it is decided that we should leave, and my fiancee and I make our way to the car. The lesson in all of this? It doesn’t matter what kind of function it is. If I am invited, I will show up drunk, boisterous, and ready to reap my horrible vengeance on any who cross my path.
And that is my story. I’m sorry I can’t offer anything else at this time.

So what the fuck happened on Thursday?  Well it was my own fault, really, though I can also say that it is to partially blame a horrible web-based FTP client that I opted to use.
It all started with me logging in to try and install some new Twitter plugins for Wordpress, due to my insane displeasure with the most popular one (Twitter Tools) that I had installed previously. When I logged in, I noticed that there was a new version of Wordpress to install. So I think to myself “Well, this should only take five minutes. Why not?” And decide to go ahead and do the upgrade. As usual, I’m given all the “MAKE SURE YOU BACK UP YOUR WORDPRESS INSTALL” bullshit that I never really pay any mind to, since I generally know what I’m doing, and just start uploading things. Now, this is where it starts to get complicated.
See, I have a horrible memory. As such, I never got around to reinstalling an FTP application on my laptop since I last reinstalled Windows. I generally use Filezilla, if you’re curious. So, since the WiFi speeds at my school are generally awful, I found myself using a certain web-based FTP setup for the sake of uploading small files here and there. Since a total Wordpress install is less than 2 MB, and upgrading is about 1.5, at most, I decided it was still a good option for the given situation, rather than waiting 20 minutes for the .exe to install Filezilla to download. Now the only problem with this particular web-based FTP client is that you can’t upload entire directories. Well, you can, but you have to archive them first (.zip, .rar, or whatever file, for the retarded) and then upload the archive. The website then automatically decompresses the archive and supposedly creates directories with the archive name and places all of the files in that directory.

WRONG.

Instead of doing this, it just creates files with the intended directory name in the filename. So I now had a main directory that was filled with a bunch of useless, poorly-named files. So I delete them all. Somewhere in this clusterfuck of files was a very important file. That file was the ever-important config file. This file, as I’m sure you can gather from the name, contains the configuration info for Wordpress. The database name, login and password. So it pretty much is the backbone of the site. I’ve run into problems with this file before (I originally intended to switch Heccubus.Blog over to Wordpress about two years ago, but couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to configure it properly) and pretty much always wind up going to Nate for help. Because I’m stupid, and don’t take notes.
So naturally, with the config file missing, Heccubus.Blog ceased to function. It was a big, white screen. If you were lucky and stopped by within a two hour window, you were greeted with the message “Oops. You Bwoke it.” and a big image of the famous Windows BSOD. Thankfully, after a couple of hours, Nate came to the rescue and provided me with the database info I needed so that I could rebuild the config file and upload it. As soon as that was up, we just needed a quick upgrade on the database and here we are. The new, slightly improved Heccubus.Blog. Not a lot has changed on your end, but I can assure you that my Wordpress frontend is a hell of a lot more pleasant than that last monstrosity that they unleashed on me. You can, however, take note of the fact that each post on this site can now be posted in a special Twitter post by clicking that nice little “Share This On Twitter” button. The button itself is custom made (editing plugins is fun) but the plugin using it (TwitThis) is rather lovely aside from the incredibly ugly buttons that it uses by default.
Also, please note that the content on here is no longer nothing more than those ridiculous “The Day In Summary” posts that Twitter Tools generated automatically. For whatever reason, I thought those were a really good idea, and for that I apologize. Also, I will try to stop talking about nothing but Twitter and how wonderful I think it is on here.

Twitter.

But that’s about it. Because of my own stupidity, and my decision that this one time I would not have to back up my Wordpress install, Heccubus.com was officially M.I.A. for a few hours on Thursday. From now on, I promise that I will back up all files before upgrading Wordpress (which given their track record should be in about ten minutes) in the future so that you don’t miss out on the complete lack of actual content that I am so diligent about posting here.

• Someone is doing laundry, so I can’t get mine done yet. Waiting to use the washer & dryer is more frustrating that you’d think some days. #
• I am kind of weirded out by the fact that Ruffles brand onion dip comes in a sealed can that does not require refridgeration. #
• The new Black Kids album is kind of….meh. #
• Well how did I forget this? Happy birthday Alan Braxe! http://twurl.nl/jk733o #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

• Working from 2:00 until 10:30. Lame. #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

• Work for 2 more hours then drinks at Montanas. #
• This however does not change the fact that work sucks outrageously. #
• I found 2 lobsters in the seafood dept. with HOLES IN THEIR HEADS. WHAT THE FUCK? #
• Does anyone know of a client that can post to various Twitter-like services simultaneously? That might convince me to join other sites. #
• I’m not really surprised to find the peak traffic for Revolutions Per Minute was last October when all I wrote about was OiNK’s Pink Palace. #
• Why are Fake Blood’s remixes so amazing? #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

• So many Twitter alternatives…but I’m sticking with the original, thanks. #
• FOUR Kontakte mixtapes finished up. FOUR! That adds up to about 300 minutes or so of music. #
• I kind of hate my Windows Server teacher. Like… A lot. #
• Anyone interested in figuring out a way to do a music-related podcast together? #
• My old server hardware teacher, however, is a pretty awesome guy. #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

• @chefelf I name all of my computers. My laptop’s name is Hardac, my OLD laptop is named Predator, and my desktop is Heccputor 2.0. #
• Back to school today after over a week off. Weak. #
• @chefelf I only have names going back to about 2003 when I got Tad, who was named after Tad The Banana! #
• The bridge of my right foot really hurts for some reason. #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

• Cottage trip is off. Lame. #
• So cottage is off, but Irene’s birthday BBQ was great yesterday. Thanks to all who came! #
• My left display is about to bite the big one, I think. Great. Because I can afford to buy a monitor right now. #
• Going for lunch and a Canada Day walk with the missus. #
• Canada Day patio beers and pub food. Good day! #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

• Wall-E was great. Tired. Sleep now. #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

• @reneengstrom I don’t know if “Hurt” is the WORST makeout song, but it is definitely the most UNCOMFORTABLE makeout song. #
• *sigh* So tired. I wish I could sleep properly. #
• Also, my blog post about working on my novel was my 100th Tweet. So…hurrah for that, then. #
• Wall-E in 15 minutes! #

Powered by Twitter Tools.